Last Sunday, I rolled right out of bed and walked to my local yoga studio for some much needed self-care. I knew I needed some solo time and to move my body. Little did I know, I’d end up spending some time with my damn inner critic…
The class was ah-mazing. Within the first few minutes I checked in with myself – I was in perfect flow, completely lost in the movement. 🕉️
My body was moving and changing positions, and my mind had little to do with it.
Somewhere along this blissful meditative flow, I felt a jolt that woke me. 😯
I realized I was no longer in that blissful flow I just described – my body was no longer forming shapes to the words the teacher spoke.
What just happened? I wondered, looking around.
I retraced the previous few minutes in my mind, focusing on my movements and thought process:
I moved from downward dog into rag doll, which meant I bent over, arms hanging to the floor, my eyes level with my shins. Instead of staring off into nothing, or closing my eyes, I shifted my attention out of the present and used my finger tips to pull up at the skin on my knees.
My knees are wrinkly
… they should be taut.
I’m aging
…that scares me. I want to appear youthful.
I PANICKED.
Until I unpacked it, I hadn’t even realized what took me out of my blissful state… I just knew I was disconnected from my body and I felt anxious and uncomfortable all at once.
The culprit?
The Demon Voice aka the inner critic.
THE DEMON VOICE (TDV) IS ONE’S INNER CRITIC. TDV IS ALL NEGATIVITY ALL THE DAMN TIME.
TDV works seamlessly, quickly, and stealthily as he hijacks our minds and experiences.
Maybe TDV sounds like your own voice with an especially aggressive attitude, maybe you hear someone who once hurt you.
But TDV, that inner critic of yours, it speaks with conviction – like he’s showing you the “REALITY” you’ve been hiding from and this is your wakeup call.
Everyone has experienced this tiny (sometimes booming) presence, even if TDV has lived solely in your subconscious.
The Demon Voice needs to shut the hell up!!!!!!!!!!!
After I recognized it was TDV who messed with my yoga flow and directed my attention to the existence of skin that covers my knees (???), I was jolted back to reality with a renewed sense of motivation to reconnect to my body.
I would not be left behind – not in this class, nor in life, as a result of letting TDV win.
I was flustered, I admit – I had no idea how much of the class I had missed, or how to return to the sequence with graceful flow.
OUR INNER CRITIC CAN LEAD US TO SPIRAL INTO NEGATIVITY
While I was judging the skin on my knees, I had been left behind. Briefly, albeit, but the rest of the class continued in harmony and I couldn’t help but notice how this was a microcosmic display of how the TDV works in life.
My experience in the yoga class exemplifies how people spiral into negativity, why they play small as a result, and why they live with so much self-doubt. The cumulation of all of this is what keeps TDV in power and inhibits you from living out the life you want.
This knee situation is a small instance, such a bizarre thing to focus on – but what about the big things? The impact TDV can have on one’s entire life?
I’ve been thinking a lot about The Knee Incident this week. I concluded that the reason I was able to catapult myself out of his bullsh*t was because of my daily mindfulness practice.
It looks different each day – some days it’s a formal meditation (not often, if I’m being honest), other days it’s yoga or meeting with my therapist – and sometimes it’s just emotional regulation and focusing on my breath when I want to jump out of my body.
Regardless, I’m doing the work, even when it’s uncomfortable and hard.
MINDFULNESS IS THAT PAUSE WE TAKE IN LIFE.
It’s what creates s p a c e – and in doing so, we can develop a new voice to counter the little demon beast.
Mindfulness allows us to decide what reality we want to align with – because believe it or not, this is a choice.
It takes courage to tell TDV to SHUT UP.
It’s scary to confront the TDV and tell him you don’t need his version of “reality”, especially when he comes on so strong and confidently.
It’s even harder, yet liberating, to decide to hear him out and challenge his words – to advocate for the real you.
In that moment, amidst a sea of yogis whose flow remained undisrupted, I told TDV that I didn’t care if my knees have more loose skin now than they did when I was 20 years old.
WE NEED TO QUIET OUR INNER CRITIC IN ORDER TO PLAY BIG
Was that true? Not fully, I’m still grappling with aging. But I’m working on it and not judging myself for this struggle.
Allowing TDV to win would be me playing small. It would result in me being left behind.
Focusing on the loose skin on my knees would inhibit me from showing up each day. It would make me feel ashamed, and limit me from expressing love for those around me — something I like and need to do to feel safe.
If I allowed TDV to win, I wouldn’t be able to accomplish my bigger life goals and what I was put on earth to do!
I’m here to do more than fight a losing battle with aging and the body changes associated with it.
The Knee Incident was a powerful reminder of how easy it is to get caught up, how hard it is to counter the inner critic, but an even better reminder that I AM in control, and I can always take back control when TDV sneaks back in.
My reminder to you is to start noticing when TDV takes the wheel, and see what you can do to get control back!
Have you experienced battles with the inner critic? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments below.
P.S. Doors for F*RK THE Noise Fundamentals Summer session is closing soon. This post talked about TDV, which is a good example of INNER NOISE. F*RK THE NOISE Fundamentals teaches tools to identify and combat the noise so you can take command and live out the life you truly want.
